The Pro

Written by: Garth Ennis

Illustrated by: Amanda Conners

Released by: Image

Have you ever thought "Ok, this is going to be fucking stupid" just before you read something?  Well I went into "The Pro" thinking just that, and I wound up loving the living shit out of it.  It stuffed those words right down my throat, like jagged little word pills.  I should have known a comic about a super-powered prostitute would kick turbo ass.  I don't know why I would question Ennis, the master of the medium (Preacher, The Boys, The Darkness, Punisher, Crossed, Just a Pilgrim, Hitman, Hellblazer, Chronicles of Wormwood, you get the picture).  He will never cease to amaze you.  All he does is amaze.  The man has made a fuckin' career out of being amazing.  

Anywho..... The story starts off with a prostitute finishing off a John in his car.  She wants her fucking fifty bucks, but the douche gives her next to nothing, and to top that shit off the tart-fuck pulls a gun.  It's just another fucked up day, in a fucked up profession, in a fucked up world, for a fucked up bitch. Tired and angry she heads home to her shit-hole apartment, to a fed-up baby-sitter, and a kid sitting in a mega-fuck-ton of it's own shit; so she can smoke, sleep, and get ready for the next day. That very same night in a galaxy exactly like ours an alien, and his robot pal make a bet. To see if ANY human could be a hero if given the proper help. So they shoot down a beam of I don't know what the fuck, and The Pro was born. The next day she woke up to her screaming kid, and a group of Super-Fuck-Tarts at her window.  Literally bunched around her fuckin' window like they were posing for the cover of a magazine.  They wanted her to join them.  (An unapologetic spoof on the Justice League).  This freakshow.  But she was reluctant.  This squeaky clean group of spandex-riden banana-clowns had no fucking clue what they were getting themselves into. She had a whole different idea of what to do with her new found powers. She needed money and while flying around like a group of assholes paid the bills, why stop there?  Super hero with a violent streak by day sounds nice, but dick pumping machine by night sounds lucrative.

I couldn't get enough of this!!  It ended far too early.  There needs to be a sequel.  With scenes of just utter madness such as; The Spirit, the spoof on Superman, getting his very first BJ, and cumming so hard he takes down a jumbo-jet.  And there's plenty of other more than memorable scenes that I don't want to spoil for you, because if you've ever had a bad day you need to read this.  There is a massive bonus at the end of the TPB in the form of The Pro vs. The Ho, which takes place sometime during The Pro's days off from pissing in the face of crime.  Best fucking part?  It's basically a super-powered hooker showdown. This is the coolest of the two story arcs, or at least I thought so.  The TPB is so off the wall it's on the ceiling.  I don't want to give too much away, but I'll give you a taste of the dialogue "I swear to god if it's not a bunch of flying cock-knockers in spandex, it's some total freak looking for a co-star in her own fucking pathetic search for attention".   You know you're curious to see what happens when a prostitute gets super-powers.  How could you not be?

Amanda Conner's art is dead-on.  It's bright.  It's shiny. It lights up every page, and compliments every madcap antic.  The art & the short-lived adventure felt perfect together.  The personality of each character was brilliantly depicted.  She did an excellent job.  Some panels are more detailed than others, but it never skips a beat. It's nice to see a female artist who has no problem getting as dirty as the guys... but all ladylike.  So my suggestion is if you want to laugh yourself silly, if you want a mockery, a loving middle-finger to the face of comics, this is the hooker to hitch a ride with.  I've read it 5 times now, and it's still as funny as comedic hell.  It's very tongue through cheek.  And it captures awesome very well.  (I don't know it for a fact, but this felt like Ennis' inspiration for "The Boys")